My work lover is the woman of my dreams but I can’t think of it right away after she ends our affair


DEAR DEIDRE: I can’t think right after the love of my life ends our affair.

To everyone else, we’re professional partners, and I’m a devoted 39-year-old married father of two, but inside I feel like a teenage boy in love.


I can’t think straight after my co-worker ended our affair

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This woman is 37 years old. We are paramedics, often on the same shift and in the same ambulance.

Every time I see her my stomach leaps, I’ve never felt this before.

When I look at my wife, I don’t feel anything. She is also 39 years old but all we have in common are our children.

If we were to meet today, I wouldn’t even date her let alone marry her, when my work partner is the woman of my dreams. She is also married, with a daughter.

A year ago her husband asked her not to text me anymore because we were so close and constantly messaging each other.

He must have felt threatened – and for good reason.

Nothing ever happened at work – it took all my composure not to grab and kiss her.

But last summer we had an evening of work and she asked me to take her home, which I did.

She was so gorgeous that night, coupled with the drink, I couldn’t resist her anymore.

It was such a hot night and I remember reaching out for her, pulling her and kissing her like I had never kissed anyone before.

I didn’t want it to end. It was as far as things were going physically, although I really wanted more and from the way she was pressing against me I knew she was too.

We admitted that we had fallen in love with each other and arranged to meet in secret the following weekend.

But a few hours before, she sent me an “I can’t” message and canceled. I was emptied.

We still work together, we still love each other, but she says she can’t destroy her daughter’s life by having an affair.

I can’t eat or sleep for worry. What can I do?

Contact Deidre

Every problem receives a personal response, usually within 24 hours on weekdays.

DEIDRE SAYS: The woman you fell in love with told you that she couldn’t have an affair for the sake of her daughter, so you just torture yourself hoping that she will change her mind.

You won’t be able to move on until you come to terms with her decision and focus on your own relationship.

You loved your wife once and you will remember why you got together if you can get started in your marriage.

Would you consider relationship counseling to help you two get closer?

It must be worth it, if only for the sake of your children.

Contact the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy who can give you information on qualified counselors and therapists near you (, 01455 883 300).

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