I forgave the men who aborted 15 pregnancies – Kudayisi

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Matchmaker and relationship coach, Lara Kudayisi, tells OGHENOVO EGODO-MICHEL on his background and other issues

Tell us about your journey.

I am the first of four children. I was born and raised in Ogun State.

What services does Lara Kudayisi International offer?

Lara Kudayisi International focuses on therapy, coaching and certification. My organization helps heal people from trauma and emotional pain, and we make them happy afterwards. We are registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission.

Some people have said that matchmakers and relationship experts have difficulty maintaining relationships. Is it true?

What people don’t know is that you can’t use people’s personal lives to judge their professional lives. Matchmaking is a professional service and has nothing to do with a person’s life. This means that if I am a matchmaker I must have been certified and it does not affect my personal life. Also, I’m a cognitive behavioral therapist, but that doesn’t exclude me from experiencing emotional pain.

What do you do when you are going through emotional problems?

I have my own coaches and therapists. A coach needs a coach and a therapist needs therapy. Sometimes therapists can have an emotional attachment to the stories people share with them and this can depress them. Even as a professional, I still talk to my therapist as often as possible.

You once talked about having 15 abortions. Why did you decide to share your story?

I started (sharing my story) 10 years ago and it was divine instruction for others to learn from my story. Since then I have grown to become a relationship therapist and life coach so that I can help others who have similar experiences with me.

How have you managed to deal with the stereotypes and stigma you have faced since sharing your story?

All these things don’t matter to me because I know what I’m doing and I’m cured. It doesn’t define me because it’s my past. I am no longer the person who performed these abortions. Thus, criticism of my past life does not reach me.

Did you find closure with all the men you were involved with?

We don’t need to go to people to find the solution. That’s what I teach people in the therapy program that I run. Closure is what you get on your own. I went through years of therapy and grew closer to every man I was involved with. It helped me to heal and to be able to talk about my story. I no longer feel anger or pain and that is part of my journey.

You once talked about how your father pressured you to get married. How were you able to cope with it?

My father is dead now but I got married when he was still alive. The pressure he put on me at the time got to me because I hadn’t healed from the trauma of my past. I know if he was still alive, he’d be disappointed that I’m now divorced. My mother still got over it.

Did you divorce before or after going public with your abortion story?

I went public with my abortion story even before I got married. My ex-husband met me by sharing my abortion story, which attracted him to me. My marriage had nothing to do with my past and was the inspiration behind my book, “Why the Matchmaker’s Marriage Failed”.

Do your past experiences cause you to have trust issues?

I trust men a lot and I will soon remarry. What makes you don’t trust men after a heartbreak is because you haven’t healed. Healing must continue because it is very important. When you’re healed, the kind of people you attract and relate to will be very different, and there won’t be anything to worry about. Therapy is a lifesaver, but many people don’t know it.

What lessons have you learned as a single mom?

Being a single mother is really not an easy thing. This can be quite difficult when you are the primary caregiver. However, it has taught me that I am resilient and can do many things that I never thought I could do in the past. I also learned that if someone is not ready to have a child and they do, it will have a permanent effect on their life. It is therefore important to prepare before becoming a parent.

How would you describe your relationship with God?

My relationship with God is fantastic. He is my friend, my savior and my father. It is he who directs me. A lot of people think that because I had 15 abortions, I might be a bad girl or a godless. God is very merciful and does not judge like human beings. If someone is remorseful and sincerely repents after committing a sin, God will forgive that person and still make effective use of that person.

How many books have you written so far?

I have written three books so far. They are, ‘21 questions asked by single women‘, ‘What’s wrong with my taste in men‘, and the third is, ‘How the Matchmaker’s Marriage Failed‘.

What are some ways to encourage people to go to therapy?

I know there is still a long way to go in this regard, but most people are in therapy now. Every human being deserves to be happy and free. Some of us are unhappy with our current relationships and jobs and this has led some people to attempt suicide. Going to therapy will help you achieve a better life. That’s what I did and I can now talk about my pain with such detachment. I want everyone to go to therapy, if possible.

If you can change anything in your life, what will it be?

I will not change anything because without my past, I would not be here today. That’s why I tell people that their pain can become their superpower if they harness it properly.

How do you relax?

I love watching movies. Also, I like to go out with my children and my friends sometimes.

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